Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
