someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
