No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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