i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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