It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
