If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
