Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
