then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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