woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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