Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize