R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
