his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
