I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
