i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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