I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
