Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
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She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize