Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
