spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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