just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
