You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
