she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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