She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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