Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
