thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The adults are the big ones right?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
