Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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