no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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