Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you would pick up someone in the library
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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