Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
