i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
