i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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