I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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