There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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