i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
