Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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