I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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