Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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