I saw his package. It spoke to me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
