Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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