I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
this is an emotional support booty call
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
