he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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