The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
