dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Randomize
