I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
