it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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