I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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