We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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