I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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