We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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