I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
