I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
