The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I need to stop coming to work sober
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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