I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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