Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
