he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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