All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i think i have two assholes
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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