i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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