We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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