Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
