well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
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Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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