He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
