mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
