So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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