Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
