Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
