Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Panties = found
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
