Barsexuality is the new black.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
