She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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